Facebook Community,
I need some help here. I’ve taken another step into the 21st Century. Yes, I’ve joined the Facebook community – trepidaciously, but I’m in. How long I’m in is up for grabs. I’m just not sure it’s good for me.
I joined Facebook – with my daughter’s help – to see if it can be used to reach out to Christian Marketplace Leaders – those that desire to be disciple-makers and transformation agents. It seemed like a good idea. I even had a Facebook member encourage me to try it. I started with a “test” membership to get some hands-on experience. I never expected the dilemma and anxiety it would create. It’s funny – and it’s not.
Here’s what happened (I assume this is “normal”): The first day I got more than 25 “friend requests” – some from people I don’t know, and many from people 30+ years younger than me. The e-mail message says, “________ added you as a friend”. What’s with that? It seems a bit presumptuous to me. Now don’t get me wrong; I love all of these people (even the strangers); and I’m honored that they want to be my friend. But what kind of commitment are they expecting? For me, friends have always been someone I spent time with, invested in, shared my life with. How do you do that with 25 or more people on the Internet?
I know I am showing my age here, but what is this really about? Have they (i.e., we) created a new definition of “friend”? I am struck by the irony; and saddened by the revelation. Many say that the Internet has made the world smaller; and I bet they would site Facebook as an example. I understand some have hundreds of Facebook “friends”. But is this a carefully disguised substitute for really investing in people’s lives? It seems to me that the time spent with “friends” on Facebook would be better invested making real friends in my living room, or at the local coffee shop.
Anyway, here’s my dilemma: I now have over 25 people wanting to be my friend, and I have to decide how to respond. Can I create a “focused community” in Facebook without:
- Including everyone that invites me to be their friend?
- Hurting the feelings of those I say “no” to, or ignore?
Assuming I’ve made a mistake, how do I back out of this without hurting someone’s feelings? Dare I show my face at church? What are people saying (or typing) behind my back? Will I have to move my family to another town? How do you escape an online community that stretches around the globe? Alas, why did I step into the 21st Century?
Your friend,
Rob
4 comments
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February 21, 2009 at 4:16 pm
Pam Hunter
Dear Rob,
I, for one, am glad you created your “test membership.” While I don’t know with certainty that it can be used to specifically target Christian Marketplace leaders, I do know that Facebook can be used for the good God would have us do.
I have only been on Facebook for a couple of months and during that time, I have accumulated quite a few “friends.” It has been an exciting adventure for me to reconnect with old friends, such as you, and to easily keep in touch with current friends. The one thing I have enjoyed so much about Facebook is finding the opportunites to pray for people you would otherwise never have known needed prayer! Those opportunities have been abundant and I am blessed by them.
Perhaps you are right that our time might be better spent actually connecting with other people in person, but I honestly feel a bond with those I correspond with on Facebook — some I haven’t laid eyes on in 30 years!
I believe you could create a “focused community” on Facebook, but you would, indeed, have to ignore or decline some friend requests. The problem with that is that you might ignore someone who might actually contribute. As far as hurting someone’s feelings, I’m afraid none of us can avoid that even when we try our best.
I hope your experiment works for you and provides the results you hope for!
Pam
February 23, 2009 at 9:26 am
inlight
Pam,
Thanks for your encouragement. It was good to hear your faith and witness in the Lord. I decided to confirm all the friend requests and see what happens. I also will be checking out the group functionality. May God bless you and your family with peace and strength in the Lord.
Your brother in Christ,
Rob
February 21, 2009 at 5:26 pm
Lee
Honestly, its not THAT big of a deal, have you any idea how many friend requests are submitted and then approved or rejected by someone on facebook on any given day? I don’t but I guarantee its a lot. Almost everyone of my friends on facebook are people that I personally know in real life that I have met or have contact with in person on a regular basis, its just an extension of the relationships I have with these people. I have managed to stay in contact with people from 3 different churches, and old Youth pastor , even step siblings and cousins that I might not otherwise get to talk to or see. This is simply an evolution of our culture, we are , by our very nature in this country a very socially oriented people. Combine that with the ongoing improvements / creations/ evolution of technology ESPECIALLY the internet it seems to make sense that folks would become more socially interactive over the internet.
Its nothing new, it all started
back in the day with BBS boards and then chat rooms. now we have live streaming music and tv shows and even movies online. Business now hold meetings online via messengers and even video cams. Cisco a major player in internet technology is a perfect example with the Tele presence technology they tout. The key is to learn how to integrate all of this into our lives. You ask “what if I reject someone’s friend request” would it be any less awkward if someone you didn’t personally know before in real life, in person wanted to be your friend but you rejected that?
Sorry i know this is so “Teachy” and I don’t mean to make a history lesson out of this. I am glad your on facebook my brother, I have found it a great way to minister through notes I and other friends have posted, I am able to be a part of groups like Gary Kienel’s “Buy truth and sell it not” a friend of mine and I post the notes from each week for a small group that we host so that our members can catch anything they may have missed. So its not a substitute for investing into peoples lives in the real world, but rather it makes a wonderful way to further invest into their lives, I have had many times where I have had friends come to me for advice and its been over facebook chat. It really boils down to perspective, it can be a crutch to avoid real social interaction and investment into a life or it can be a great addition to it. I suppose its like with anything else in life that we use…..we must choose , we have to decide with our own free will whether or not we will use this thing for good and to further the kingdom OR if we will use it to avoid people and to achieve our own selfish motives safely hidden away from any real life consequence
February 23, 2009 at 9:22 am
inlight
Lee,
Thanks for taking the time to provide all the internet community history. I decided to confirm all the friend requests. I wouldn’t want to lose an opportunity to bless any one of them. Thanks for the encouragement.
Your brother,
Rob